Could you go an entire YEAR without looking at yourself in a mirror?

What about while you were in the middle of planning your wedding?

Sounds crazy, right? Well, that’s exactly with Kjerstin Gruys decided to do.
Meet Kjerstin!

I first became acquainted with Kjerstin Gruys a couple of years ago when her mirror challenge hit the news and social media circuits. I remember watching this beautiful young blonde woman try on a wedding dress without being able to check herself out in a mirror. I remember applauding her and wondering if anyone could ever really go a year without mirrors, especially in the middle of wedding-planning frenzy, which tends to be a period rife with body snarking, dieting attempts, and a general self-obsession. (amiright?)

I then found out that Kjerstin was also a PhD student studying under none other than Dr. Abigail Saguy, who you all know is an academic hero of mine who wrote the groundbreaking book, What’s Wrong with Fat? So, of course, I became a fan of Kjerstin, too.

Kjerstin has authored a book on her “no mirrors” experience, which has just hit bookshelves!

Mirror, Mirror, Off the Wall

Aptly titled, Mirror, Mirror off the Wall: How I learned to Love my Body by Not Looking at It for a Year, Kjerstin’s book is part memoir and part social commentary with a sociologist’s eye to research regarding body image, Bridezilla culture and the nation’s obsession with thinness & beauty.

You can define yourself without a creepy mirror man, right?

Kjerstin’s immediate impetus for going a year without looking in mirrors was when she found herself in the midst of wedding planning, with 4 potential wedding dresses to choose from and an overwhelming obsession with her bride-to-be appearance.

You see, in addition to being an academic, Kjerstin is a recovered anorexic AND a body-image expert who volunteers with San-Francisco-based non-profit About Face, where she teaches media literacy to young girls and women. Media literacy, by the way, is – to put it bluntly – empowering yourself to see through the matrix AKA the bullshit in the media, understanding that there is Big Money behind the scenes and thus allowing you to dissect the target audience of an ad, for example, what’s being sold, and what take-away the ad is trying to leave you with. Thus, Kjerstin knew that she was in a slippery slope that could easily lead her down the path to dieting, self-loathing and an eating disorder.

Kjerstin’s hope for giving up mirrors was that she could become more in tune with herself and less obsessed with her appearance.

The Cranky One’s Reflections of the Book

• Reading Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall made me feel like I was reading my own thoughts. Kjerstin describes herself as the exact weight and height as me and has similar misgivings about her body, thus I felt incredibly invested in her experiment.
• The book reads like a fun, sometimes hysterical, diary of what it means to try to accept yourself at a time when everyone – including the multi-billion-dollar wedding industry – and even good-intentioned peers and family, think you could just “tighten” for the “Big Day.”
• One of my favorite parts of the book was when Kjerstin took advantage of a free extensive health exam and noted that while all of her results came back as outstanding, she did land in the “overweight” section of the BMI, which made her “feel fat” and quickly revert back to the tired, “I just need to lose 10 lbs” mantra. The reason I liked this story is because it tells me so much about how our obsession with BMI fuels our body dissatisfaction, and, worse, our faulty belief that BMI is a good proxy for health OR that weight loss, even a little bit, is somehow the holy grail of health.
• Kjerstin’s experience trying to rectify her feminism with her desire to fit certain standards of beauty is one of the most interesting parts of the book, from my perspective, because it’s something I’m currently grappling with.
• I think one thing to keep in mind is that this is a memoir about body acceptance; it’s not a nuanced view on fat politics. For example, Kjerstin does have privilege (which she acknowledges) in that she is average-sized (actually smaller than average), able-bodied, Caucasian and has features that are in alignment with conventional beauty standards. This is not to detract from her plight at all, but rather to let readers know that she’s not going to talk about what it means to experience “fatness” from a political and civil rights perspective because, honestly, she cannot experience that in her current body.
• Kjerstin’s honesty is so incredibly refreshing because I think many of us who are “recovered” from eating disorders, feminists and Health At Every Size proponents feel that we cannot be open about our struggles to rectify our beliefs with our actions. For example, Kjerstin calls her “coiffing” into question and ends up going make-up free every Monday. And, at one point, after being referred to as fat, and feeling bad about herself, she wonders if she’s a hypocrite for being a HAES advocate yet being ashamed to self-identify as fat. These are all such important and complex questions to ask ourselves and I think Kjerstin gets us all to become a little more introspective and, even better, ACTIVE at setting our own standards for beauty. As Kjerstin asks, “Instead of changing your body, why not change your mind?”

Overall, I love this book. It was comforting to know that someone else has the same insecurities as I do and is yet STILL a feminist, HAES activist and body-image warrior.  I hope women AND men read this book and begin to discuss openly the pressures to look a certain way and, better, the ways to give up the ideals and relish the bodies we’re in without contingencies.

Want a FREE copy of the book?

Kjerstin has been kind enough to offer a free copy of her book to one Cranky reader (U.S. residents only, sorry!). Please enter via Rafflecopter below. This is my first time using Rafflecoptor, so, my apologies in advance if it sucks.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys!

I’ve been taking some time away from blogging to decide if blogging is something I want to do anymore. I’ve been working too many long-hour days and, often, the thought of sitting at the computer anymore than I already do is depressing.

I feel like the past 2 years have really marked some significant changes for me – some bad, some good and some somewhere in between and these changes have, as you can see, really come through on this blog. I no longer want to talk about my body (at least very much) and have become so adverse to any promotion of weight-loss that this whole blog thing, at times, seems like a farce.

I guess I’ve recently been back to that point where I’m asking: what do I want from life? Where do I see myself in the next 5 years? Will this blog help me get there?

In many ways this blog has been invaluable by helping me get jobs. I’ve gotten to work for many companies that, at the time, I thought were the pinnacle of awesome and I pinched myself with glee to get these gigs. I got these jobs partially because I had a blog, had connections to other bloggers, and was a poster child for weight-loss. I am grateful for these experiences as they paved the way for me to have a fantastic career in PR.

That said, sometimes it seems like this weight-loss-persona that I had created sticks around like an annoying shadow I can’t shake. It seems some people still just don’t get that I’ve changed and it’s frustrating (but I can’t blame them…). For instance, my boss recently connected me up with a very sweet and kind person he met at an event and thought we would get along. Why? Because she had lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off for over a decade. Sound like someone you know? Sure, that sounds like me. BUT,  this lovely woman also worked for The Biggest Loser. I abhor the Biggest Loser and everything it stands for. Meeting with her – even though she was a lovely person – just made me feel…lonely. I have found it very isolating to no longer be a girl who bonds with other people over body dissatisfaction. So, it was…umm….VERY awkward when I had to break it to her that I was no longer a “rah rah, let’s fight obesity!” trooper.

And this happens a lot even with friends who KNOW who I have become. A friend recently brought up her desire to get an elective cosmetic procedure done and I was so surprised because she is one of the smartest, most empowered women I know. I need to find that place where I can be who I am and not expect others to either “join me or leave me,” ya know? Because I know that’s how I’ve become and it’s out of self-preservation. I think anyone else who has recovered from any eating disorder (or addiction) knows that it’s VITAL to extricate oneself from relationships (and people & circumstances in general) that can be triggering. This has been hard because I’ve had to quietly dissolve relationships that have meant a lot to me.

I feel like people are still getting to know who I have now become (me too, I suppose), so  I can’t blame my boss for not realizing that it was a huge faux pas to put the recovering bulimic who was NO LONGER a weight-loss idol in a room with someone who still idolizes weight-loss. I guess my very loud and opinionated nature on how “obesity” is a fraudulent frame is still somehow not loud enough

As much as I think I want to just close the blogging chapter in my life, I know that what I want to really close is the chapter called “Weight Loss.” And, I suppose I could. If I deleted all evidence of my “before” and “after” photos, maybe people would forget? Any new people I meet will have no idea that I was ever a “weight loss success” and they would simply meet someone who believes our hyper focus on weight in this country is destructive and counterproductive.

But then I realize that it’s precisely because I have seen and experienced, first hand, the many facets of what it means to be a woman and have a body in this culture that I CANNOT and SHOULD NOT quiet my experience.

I have experienced the lack of privilege, the shaming, the failures of the healthcare system, and the internalized shame, of being a fat person AND someone who is medically classified as “morbidly obsese.” I have also experienced the privilege, the applause, and the social reversals of being a conventionally thin and attractive woman (who is privileged in other ways, too, such as able-bodied, middle class income & ability to pass as white). I have been through an eating disorder that was, in many ways, fueled by the constant praise of others who felt the right to comment on my body. And, now I exist in the liminal space of being not-quite-fat, not-thin, just where I am as a woman who is no longer pursuing weight-loss and is allowing her body to land where it lands.

[source]

“Taught from their infancy that beauty is woman’s scepter, the mind shapes itself to the body, and, roaming, around its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison” – Mary Wollstonecraft

This is all to say that while in some moments of frustration and isolation, I wish I could erase this blog and just pretend not to care anymore about obesity and food politics, the fact is: I do. I care with every bone in my body. I am growing up (hitting 30 this year…and to think I started this blog when I was 25!) and I am thinking about the world that I want to live in and the world that I want my future children to live in. I have never been the type of person to sit idly by and hope others will fix things for me.

The truth is: I feel like I’ve been in the Matrix, and I’ve stretched out my hand in front of me and all around me to finally feel that there has been, indeed, a prison that I was too willing to submit to. So, I’ve simply, and at times ungracefully, stepped outside of it. I refuse to live my life obsessed with, and aiming incessantly at, fixing my body.

So, I’m not giving up this blog. I accept that this blog is what it is: a living book of my journey. And, the truth is, this is a great forum for me to share with others the not-often-heard truth about weight-loss, the insidious nature of dieting and the truth about the Big Industries that craft the messages we ingest about what health should look like.

Besides, I was dead serious when I said I am starting a documentary and this will be the perfect forum for sharing that process with all of you

First on the docket? Dr. Abigail Saguy, the author of “What’s Wrong with Fat?” I met up with Dr. Saguy recently to film her and guess what happened? My camera ran out of memory. My boyfriend and I are such rookies So, here we go for round 2! I am so excited to share with the world alternate views on obesity, health and our bodies. I know I have been yearning to surround myself with like-minded people, so this project is just as much for others as it is a form of therapy for me.

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys!

I hope that those of you behind the screen reading this post are in as much peace as possible. It’s such a sad and scary time and I’m wishing everyone comfort!

I wanted to link you to a video my boyfriend shot of Dr. Abigail Saguy giving a presentation at UCI – my alma mater – on her book What’s Wrong with Fat?

As you know, I absolutely loved What’s Wrong with Fat? and think it should be required reading for everyone with a body.

The presentation really gives you the “low down” on what it means to view fatness through a “frame” (or, perspective) and how that frame delineates the sentiment and call-to-action surrounding an issue.

Most of us take obesity for granted; meaning, we all assume that overweight and obesity are problems (because of how they’ve been framed), but when we really look at the research, we see otherwise.

When we see fatness in a neutral way, we begin to understand it as a descriptor deserving of protection under the law.

Alas, I’ll stop yapping and let you watch Dr. Saguy give an awesome presentation on this issue.

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys!

I created a Power Point presentation on food- & obesity politics 101. It’s pretty rough, but if you download it, you’ll have my accompanying notes. I wanted to share this as a way to get people thinking and talking about the issues that are affecting our health AND civil rights on a day-to-day basis (often without us even thinking twice about it!).

I, of course, included info on the “Monsanto Protection Act” that’s been all over the news, so be sure to check this out if you eat (oh wait, that’s all of you! I hope… ) And, please let me know what you think!

Food & Obesity Politics 101 by Annabel Adams

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys! I first heard of the documentary “A Place at the Table” when I was talking to a reporter and pitching her a story. We ended up getting into a debate about whether teaching children how to cook even mattered if they could not afford, or find, healthful foods in their areas. We both ended up conceding that the issue of hunger and obesity are inextricable and increasingly complex. [side note: PR people typically shouldn't get into "debates" with reporters lol, but this was friendly and fruitful]. Anyhow, the documentary is currently in very select theaters so your best bet is to rent it through iTunes like I did.

About A Place at the Table

A Place at the Table reveals how hunger is a serious problem in the United States. We like to think that hunger occurs only in “third world” countries, but there are, in fact, 50 million people in the U.S.-one in four children-who are “food insecure” (i.e. don’t know where their next meal is coming from) despite – the producers say -  the U.S. having the means to provide nutritious, affordable food to all Americans.

Hey guys!

I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend! On Friday and Saturday, my boyfriend and I went to Natural Products Expo West to explore what’s new and exciting in the natural products industry. My first time attending was last year and it was a wonderful experience because I ran into fellow bloggers while also getting to meet the people behind some of my favorite brands (and find new brands I had never heard of!).

Since I visit the Expo with two different lenses – one personal (i.e. finding vegan products for myself that I’d share here with you) and the other professional (I am the PR person for a nutrition company and we’re always scouting for the best healthful snacks), I really have to take a lot of time scoping everything out. This year, I decided to ask my boyfriend to tag along as my photographer and as my helper since my back is still healing and it’s hard for me walk long periods, let alone hold bags filled with swag. He was a great help and it was a huge surprise when, yesterday, on our 6th anniversary, he offered to go to the Expo with me again since on Friday we had to cut our time short due to my first physical therapy appointment (more on that later). Anyhow!

Friday morning began with a press briefing and breakfast sponsored by Lyfe Kitchen. Lyfe kitchen is a restaurant franchise that focuses on sustainable, healthful whole foods (they have locations in Culver City & Palo, Alto, CA). They also have a frozen line available in grocery stores.

The morning’s speakers were:

• Carlotta Mast, Senior Director of Content & Insights, New Hope Natural Media
• Alan Greene MD FAAP, Founder DrGreene.com, Author Feeding Baby Green, Practicing Pediatrician
• Janet Evans, Four-Time Olympic Gold Medalist and Mother of Two (and Ambassador for Lyfe Kitchen)
• Stephen Sidwell , President & CEO of Lyfe Kitchen, Grocery

I thought I was recording the entire discussion, but, lo and behold, my recording device recorded silence. Honestly, this is just as well because the discussion sounded like nothing but an infomercial for Lyfe Kitchen, which is to be expected at any sponsored event, I suppose. The three biggest take-aways, for me, came from the only person not fluffing up Lyfe Kitchen – Dr. Greene. Here they are:

• Due to a new study on food allergies, pediatricians and other health professionals may be advising parents to introduce highly allergenic foods, such as peanut butter, fish and eggs, at an earlier age: between 4 and 6 months. The Wall Street Journal‘s coverage of the report is here. It’s interesting because the study puts forth that introducing allergenic foods earlier may actually play a role in preventing food allergies from developing.
• Consumers are no longer looking for “take away” diets (i.e. diets that forbid entire food groups), but rather for diets focusing on whole foods and “adding” (i.e. add more fruits and vegetables). He mentioned intermittent fasting would be a big thing this year thanks to its popularity in Europe.
• GMO labeling and labeling in general are going to be big discussion topics this year and this is certainly timely as Whole Foods just announced that they are setting a 5-year deadline for labeling all of their GMO products.

A highlight of the Q&A session was when Leah Segedie (the mama maven behind Mamavation) boldly, though in a voice as sweet as can be, asked Stephen Sidwell if she had just ingested any GMOs from eating their breakfast. Awkward Stephen handed the answer off to his chef who in a round about way said possibly. They are moving toward non-GMO practices, but it’s incredibly difficult. In my own research on the topic, it seems nearly impossible to source non-GMO ingredients, especially soy, corn, salmon and tomatoes.

On to the fun stuff!

Here are some of the coolest brands and new developments I spotted at the Expo. You’ll see of my old faves as well as some new ones:

Beyond Meat

• One of the few gluten-free meat analogues on the market and this one really is the best in terms of mimicking meat texture and taste. This may actually be hard for some vegans to swallow (pun!). I tried this is an a curry “chicken” salad that was flippin’ scrumptious. Starting next month, Beyond Meat’s new “chicken-free strips” can be found in retail stores across teh nation. The varieties include: Grilled Chicken-Free Strips: “The taste of mesquite chicken with a hint of molasses,” Southwest Style Chicken-Free Strips: “Grilled with a traditional chipotle-lime blend,” and Lightly Seasoned Chicken-Free Strips: “Cooked with the savory spices of roasted chicken can be found in rest.” I think it’s awesome that vegans can find refrigerated not-chicken that’s ready to be used in salads or however else one might use chicken. A great find for veg-head families!

Brad’s Raw Chips

• Raw, vegan, organic, gluten-free, kosher & non-GMO kale chips & onion rings. I love the raw onion rings – what a concept!

Daiya

• You guys know I love Daiya. They’ve just launched a pizza line! It’s the first ever dairy-free, gluten-free, soy-free pizza! I tried the Margherita pizza and adored it.
• Daiya’s new cream-cheese-style spreads are coming out in April. The flavors are chive & onion, strawberry, and plain. I tried the strawberry and plain versions. The strawberry is dangerously delicious! I think I would slather it on everything or simply scoop it into my mouth straight from the tub. I’m so sexy. VegNews Magazine named the Chive & Onion version their best at ExpoWest award. Way to go, Daiya!

Dr. Lucy’s

• Cookies that are gluten free, vegan, w/o peanuts or tree nuts, made in a dedicated bakery, & made without GMO ingredients? Sign me up! These are all scrumptious. The new brownie cakes (only been on the market for 5 months) are the only shelf-stable gluten-free brownie on the market. Lucy’s debuted their new Pumpkin Patch and Maple Crunch cookie flavors at the Expo — both delicious. They will be on the market this fall.

Earth Balance

• Earth’s Balance is really expanding out of their vegan butter line and into the chips and snacks category. Check out the above P.B. Popps. They’ve also came out with their Aged White Cheddar Flavor Puffs that taste exactly like I imagine a vegan version of Pirate’s Booty to taste. I’m sure kids will love this stuff. I like that they’re gluten- and GMO-free!

Fabe’s

• I have been in love with Fabe’s products since last year. They have vegan and gluten-free cookies, brownies and pies (not all are vegan and not all are GF). My faves are the chocolate peanut butter cookies and GF fudge brownies. You can find most of their stuff at Whole Foods.

Farm House Culture

• If you’re looking for vegan kimchi or sauerkraut, Farm House Culture is your best bet. Sold in refrigerated sections of Whole Foods.

Hail Merry

• I love Hail Merry’s tarts so much I’ve taken suggestive pictures with them Whole Foods will soon be carrying their two new flavors of macaroons — Strawberry and Caramel Sea Salt. And the cool news with them is that all of their products are certified by the Non-GMO Project. I love that every ingredient in their products is the best possible. They use ingredients that I would be proud to use in my own kitchen and to serve loved ones. That says a lot!

Hilary’s Eat Well

• I recently found Hilary’s Eat Well products at my local Whole Foods when I was looking for a vegan and gluten-free veggie burger. I tried the Green Chili & Cumin Adzuki Bean Burger and loved it crumbled in my salad. It was great to see their full line of products and to learn that they have 2 products that will be in markets in April: their Hemp & Greens Burger and their Original Veggie Bites. Both are made with a foundation of organic millet (though the bites has quinoa too).

Larabar

Larabar just introduced its line of protein bars and they should be in all retailers by June. The flavors are: Cinnamon Apple Crisp, Lemon Pound Cake, Peanut Butter Cookie and Pumpkin Pie. Most vegan protein bars get their protein from soy protein isolate; these bars get it from pea protein. The same purity you’ll find in Larabars typical bars can be found here too. The peanut butter flavor, for example, has just 6 ingredients and it’s the best tasting of the group. These protein bars are a bit drier than the typical Larabar fruit & nut bar line, but good enough tasting for packing a nice protein punch without questionable additives.

Lightlife

• Lightlife makes lots of vegetarian and vegan products, including some of my faves like Tempeh “bacon” (officially called Organic Smoky Tempeh Strips) and Smart Dogs. They have a new line of Chik’n Nuggets out in markets now.

Love Grown Foods

• I first heard of Love Grown Foods’ granola from Ashley’s blog, The Edible Perspective. I was so excited to run into Maddy, the founder, at the Expo and to hear all about their new line of oatmeal cups! They use GF-certified oats and all vegan & GF ingredients. They’ll be available in Whole Foods next month. I can’t wait to try these!

Matt’s Munchies

• Matt’s Munchies makes vegan, gluten-free fruit snack thingies that are amazeballs because they only have fruit in them — only! Plus, I love the way they’re shaped. They’re in these thin little peel-able squares. Island Mango is my favorite flavor because it has little bits of real coconut in it. This is the perfect on-the-go snack.

Missy J’s Truffley Treats

• Missy J’s has a caffeine-free vegan chocolate line that is delicious. This is a great option for those of us who love dark chocolate but don’t want the caffeine.

NadaMoo Ice Cream

• Organic, gluten-free & vegan coconut-milk-based ice cream. Get in mah belly!

NibMor

• Organic, vegan, no refined sugars, gluten- and GMO-free dark chocolate bars and drink mixes. I love the drink mix (and you can make a nice little vodka chocolate drink if you’re so inclined . If you’re in So CA, you can find their products at Mother’s Markets and online.

St. Claire’s Organics

• Finally, breathmints and throat drops that are vegan, gluten-free and without weird artificial colors! I love everything about the ingredients this company uses in their candies and mints. Plus, they donate to preserve the medicinal plant knowledge of indigenous cultures around the world, by donating 10% of profits the EthnoMedicine Preservation Project®. For your reference, the ingredients in their peppermints are: Organic molasses granules, organic evaporated cane juice, organic peppermint essential oil. Contains no artificial coloring, flavoring, or animal by-products. GMO-free, Wheat-free, Gluten-free, Nut-free, Dairy-free, Soy-free, Corn-free, Casein-free.

Tofurky

• Tofurky is launching their new line of “pockets.” I tried the peperoni version and thought it was okay. These are not gluten-free. A great option if you’re hosting skeptical vegans and want to give them something that’s recognizable and “safe.”

VegaOne

• Vega One makes one of my fave vegan protein shakes and now they’re making energy and protein bars. Their new “Vega One Bars” are gluten-free, vegan and boast 15g protein, 1.5g of Omega-3, 6g fiber, 1 billion dairy-free probiotics and 1 serving of greens. I tried the cherry flavor. I didn’t think it tasted very good, but, I would still purchase it if I wanted a protein bar (I’ll always choose health benefits over taste – to a degree). Note: my boyfriend, who is more picky than me, loved the cherry Vega bar and said it tasted very “marshmallowey.” If he liked it, I think the average consumer would love it!

Victoria’s Vegan

• They make a vegan alfredo sauce that is sinfully delicious. It’s made with cashew cream & spices and should be slathered onto everything.

The main trends I saw at Expo West:

• Non-GMO Project certifications are sprouting up on nearly everything. So, while the label GMO movement may have failed here in CA with Prop 37, I suspect things will change in the coming year.
• Gluten-free is still a huge trend
• Most product lines have a vegan and gluten-free option (this certainly wasn’t the case before)
• Kale & chia continue to be huge
• There are more “veggie chips” than I can count (usually just potato flour or starch with some added dehydrated vegetables, which add questionable value to a product that is otherwise just salt + flour).

Overall, it’s exciting for me to see the preponderance of vegan items making their way to the market!

Any of you out there attended ExpoWest? Whatdya think? Otherwise, what are your new fave products on the market?

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys!

I’ve been MIA. Or, more like, missing by being incapacitated due to a back injury. A few weeks ago, I had a tweak in my back that I’m guessing came from power-lifting (my boyfriend says I “butt wink” in my squats).  The tweak was painful, but manageable. I didn’t want to stop moving though, so I kept up with my morning walks and stair running and just decided to put a hold on power-lifting. This was dumb because the pain would just keep coming back, and some days worse than others. So, I decided to stop being overly ambitious and took a week off from any movement except for the absolute necessary stuff like driving to the office, going to the bathroom and making myself a meal. My back would feel better every day of non-movement. Then, last Saturday, I decided the tiny pain left in my back was tiny enough to work through. So, I decided to engage in household Olympics. You know, scrubbing the bathtub, etc. Next thing I knew, I could not stand. And this lasted for 2.5 days. I don’t even want to describe the pain and how I had to devise an elaborate way to use the restroom. Dear lord. I went to the doctor on Monday (my boyfriend had to practically carry me to the office) and she told me I had a muscle spasm, which she could easily find via the bruise I had given myself by rubbing that spot on my back. She gave me a high dosage of Ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer. The muscle relaxers don’t work and the Ibuprofen works just a bit. I can’t help but wonder if it’s more than a muscle spasm, but I’m also not obsessing about what it could be (ah, to be wiser from all those panic attacks).

It’s been a week since then and I’m just barely starting to feel better. I’m hoping I continue to get better but am also considering finding a physical therapist to ensure that I strengthen the area and also know what exactly is going on. We’ll see! Anyone out there suffered back injuries? Holla’!

Anyhow, in addition to telling all of you about the dangers of butt-winking , I wanted to tell you about the reality of BMI. I talk a lot on here about what obesity really means and how the rhetorical abuses of the term may actually be harming us more than any weight-related “epidemic” and I’ve yet to really tell you about BMI, so I wanted to change that.

What is BMI?

BMI stands for Body Mass Index and it’s basically a ratio of a person’s height and weight. Specifically, BMI is the number that is generated after dividing someone’s weight in pounds by their height squared in inches and then multiplied by 703. A Belgian mathematician developed the ratio in 1832, noting that it should be used as a statistical generalization for large populations (in other words, not intended for individual use).

But what has it become? It’s become the ONE WAY that we measure overweight and obesity in this country. You know all those stats about how we’re all doomed to die in a fatpocalypse? They’re all based on this bogus measurement.

What are the cut-offs?

As you can see above, borrowed from Wikipedia, there are several categories for BMI – including the one we’re all meant to strive for: “normal” or “healthy weight.”

So, BMI is the way we measure obesity and overweight in this country EVEN THOUGH we do not have good reason to believe it measures health. Is this sad and detrimental to our health? Yes and I’ll explain why below.

So, uh, why did this bullshit measurement gain popularity?

The BMI’s popularity is due to a paper published in the July 1972 edition of Journal of Chronic Diseases by Ancel Keys, which, purportedly, found BMI to be a good proxy for body fat % among height-to-weight ratios. Keys, like the Beligan polymath who developed BMI, did not see at useful for individual cases. But, lo and behold, the National Institutes for Health (NIH) decided to use BMI as its measurement and, in 1998, a committee decided that they should lower the BMI cutoff for “ideal/normal” weight, which effectively made 25 million Americans “overweight, ” and thus “unhealthy,” overnight. You can read more about this in Julie Guthman’s book, Abigail Saguy’s book and Ragen’s blog. As Ragen notes, “3 members of the committee responsible for making the recommendation had direct ties to pharmaceuticals that manufactured diet pills for profit.  A fourth member was the lead scientist for the program advisory committee of Weight Watchers International.”  Did these Americans, in fact, go from healthy to unhealthy overnight? That’s not as easy to answer as you might suspect. While I want to say, “of course not!” in my smart-ass voice, I also know the power of persuasion and stigma to have strong effects of people. In other words, if you are told, overnight, that you became sickly and unhealthy – will you believe it?

What BMI is not:

• a measure of health
• a measure of worth

So…what’s the problem?

•  BMI has no causal relationship to a person’s health! In fact, there are studies that show those who are overweight tend to have LOWER mortality than those who are normal- and underweight!
• BMI has become something that is considered SO important (read: profitable), students are now being sent home with “BMI report cards” showing where they stand on this measurement
• BMI has become something so important (read: profitable) our government has waged a war to get people to lose enough weight to become “normal” on the BMI chart. Unfortunately, we view weight in this country as something that can be easily fixed (the weight loss industry is, after all, a $6B industry!). You won’t see anyone telling you that you can change your HEIGHT (though, I imagine this will occur soon enough with the latest eugenics-like invention that will sure enough come to market when weight loss “cures” stop selling).
• BMI has become something so important (read: profitable) that local states, govt agencies and employers are encouraging citizens to lose body weight (i.e. points from their BMI). For instance, “MI Healthier Tomorrow” is a communications initiative of the Michigan Health and Wellness 4 x 4 Plan that is designed to encourage Michiganders to lose 10 percent of their body weight. How wonderful! >:(
• When the media discusses the obesity “epidemic,” it often uses footage of “headless fatties” – in other words, they typically use footage of very large persons’ bodies to show us the extreme cases of obesity (BMI) and to remove us from feeling implicated in this crisis. The truth is – most of us ARE indeed a part of this crisis! Brad Pitt and Will Smith are overweight based on BMI. Should we incentivize them to lose 10% of their body weight? I am overweight. Yes, by 1 pound, but, alas, I am implicated in this crisis by virtue of having a healthy no-longer-bulimic body.
• We are so obsessed with weight and weight loss that we have sacrificed our health and many of us, including medical doctors, are under dangerous assumptions about what health “looks like” and weighs. This affects people who are thin and malnourished but fall in the “normal” BMI range as they are often assumed to be healthy and engaging in healthful behaviors. Alternately, people who are overweight (per BMI) and in good health and engaging in healthful behaviors may be told they need to lose weight. Do you see the insidious nature of this weight obsession? Even those who are healthy may be told to engage in dangerous and unhealthful practices simply because they land in the overweight category, which the zeitgeist believes is bad even when science shows us that it tends to be more predictive of health!

So, remember, this entire CRISIS hinges on some bullshit measurement of weight-height ratio that is NOT a measurement of health. And, remember, all of us with bodies are implicated in this EPIDEMIC. You never know, tomorrow the NIH can decide that “normal BMI” should actually be dropped a couple points and, overnight, YOU can be a diseased drain on society.

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys!

Yesterday, Slate.com ran a piece in its advice column – now shown in animated video format – called “Dear Prudence.” A reader writes in about her daughter’s friend who eats differently than she and her daughter do [read here]. Unfortunately, instead of acknowledging that all children eat differently and that children, and adults, come in all different shapes and sizes (and that children, especially, go through growth spurts), Prudence sounds the death-fatty-obesity-alarm and actually advises the mother to intervene on this girl’s behalf.

Perhaps even more insulting, but not really, is the animated video content which depicts the little girl as a pig, literally, and her parents, at one point, as two pigs in buckets of lard.

See below:

Screen shot, above, of the animated pig daughter and Slate’s apology to its “offended” viewers.
Screen shot of the “parents” of the child who likes to eat.

I have transcribed the video below:

Prudence: “Hello, I’m Prudence, today’s letter is about a girl with an endless appetite.”

Voiced-over Letter:

“Dear Prudence, the other day I needed to grab lunch on the run for my first-grade daughter and her friend. We pulled into a fast-food place where my daughter ordered a kid’s burger and fries. Her friend requested the 20-count chicken nugget meal; I said ‘no,’ so she ordered a kid’s meal, but wasn’t happy about it. At dinner, she ordered from the children’s menu. When the waiter brought an enormous plate of food, enough for two adults, the child scarfed it down and then complained that she was still hungry and wanted another meal. Her parents allow her to eat this way.

I’ve tried gently starting a conversation with her mom, but she shut me down. She says that she wants her kids to focus on who they are inside, not what they look like. Her daughter is chubby now, but quickly eating her way toward obesity just like her parents and siblings.

I don’t want to be the food police, but when this child is with me, should I allow her to eat what she eats at home? Signed, Carrots & Celery”

Prudence:

“Unfortunately, what’s going to be going on inside this little girl eventually is going to be broken down joints, a failing pancreas and clogged arteries. How sad that parents who are struggling with their own obesity wouldn’t do everything in their power to prevent their children from experiencing it. Instead, they seem to feel the more of them, the merrier. I think it’s totally fine for you to model proper eating and portion size. But, please, if you do so, skip the fast food restaurants and invite this girl over for dinner at the dining room table and a home-cooked meal.

And, given that the parents seem committed to supersizing her, I think it would be fair for you to contact this girl’s pediatrician. You can send an anonymous letter and describe the compulsive eating. It might be helpful for an adult with authority to intervene.”

There are so many things about the advice that Prudence gives that I don’t even know where to begin, so, I guess I’ll begin with the fact that Prudence has proven herself to be unfit to dole out advice because she clearly makes dangerous assumptions without giving out the proper disclaimers.

Here is what we know from what the concerned mom tells us:

• the child in question is perceived, by the mother of her friend, to eat differently than her friend and friend’s mother; and perhaps to eat more than she should (but we don’t know compared to what; is the mom-observer qualified to make these statements? We do not have any reason to believe so!)
• the mother feeds her daughter and the-girl-in-question fast-food
• the mother feeds her daughter and the-girl-in-question food from a restaurant
• the girl’s real mother seems to have sound judgment because she wants her children to focus on their character rather than their size (I wish more parents/people were like this!)

Here is what we don’t know:

• the weight & height of the child in question in order to calculate BMI, which is the way public health officials measure obesity; the health status of the child; the athleticism of the child; the diet of the child (except for her request for a 20-piece chicken nuggets, supposedly)
• the weight & height of the parents of the child in question in order to calculate BMI, which is the way public health officials measure obesity; the health status of the parents; the athleticism of the parents; the diet of the parents
• whether the girl in question has ever actually had a 20-piece chicken nugget meal

 Other angles to consider:

• the restaurant, which served the child in question a dish from the kid’s menu, may have too-large portion sizes if the mother-observer believes the child to have eaten too much. Since the mother cannot put herself into the child’s stomach to know whether she is truly full, there is really no way for her to know that the child has eaten “too” much.

Where does Prudence get it wrong?

• she assumes based on the mother’s story that the girl in question is unhealthy and set up for a life of health problems. Prudence clearly does not know that “obesity” is a medical term and not one to be assigned to people who simply do not fit the mold of thinness she deems healthy or normal.
• even if we were to confirm that, yes, based on BMI, the parents of the girl and the child herself are obese by BMI standards, we still would not have any evidence of their overall state of health. And, even if we knew that they were in poor health, we would not know whether their size was correlated to their health status!
• getting a pediatrician involved is a horrible idea. I think this “concerned” mom should mind her own business. Unless she has proof that the child’s health is compromised, she should back off and simply model healthful behaviors.
• she speaks from a perspective that reeks of paternalism & sizeism
• she assumes a home-cooked meal from this mother would somehow be superior to a fast-food meal (maybe, maybe not). Who is to say this child does not eat home-cooked meals daily from her parents? All we know for sure is that her fast-food meal in question was bought by the mom who is now ready to report the girl’s parents to authorities
• we have no idea what constitutes “compulsive eating” – unless Prudence specializes in eating disorders, she is not qualified to diagnose that and she certainly could not diagnose this based on hearsay!

Dear Prudence, your advice sounds a lot like bigotry.

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys,

As you know, I’m overweight.

And I spend a lot of time on this blog telling you guys that weight is not a good proxy for health.

Though, if we’re talking statistics, being overweight is actually correlated to lessened mortality when compared to “normal weight,” “class 2+ obese” and “underweight,” per the BMI. But, as I’ve stated here before, I’m less interested in statistics (I take Mark Twain’s approach of “lies, damned lies & statistics”), and more interested in fat, and its medicalized version, obesity, from a sociopolitical perspective. 

As you also may know, I believe our collective obsession with weight and body size is insidious and detrimental to our health.

I tell you all that we are so much MORE than what we weigh and what size we wear.

I believe this down to my very core.

But I struggle to align my beliefs with, well, my other beliefs, ingrained into my subconscious from years of dieting and being told (and believing) that my size defined my worth.

I went to a luncheon today where we discussed empowering children by teaching them how to cook their own meals. While sitting there, I wondered if my passion for nutrition is as strong as my growing passion to encourage children to love the body they’re in. Perhaps they go hand in hand?

Perhaps it’s one of those things where I hope that if I can teach it, I may teach myself, too.

When I came home today, there was a gift waiting for me on the dining room table. A pair of shorts and top from my boyfriend. He knows that while I do love my body, I have been resistant to buying larger-sized clothes. I also remain resistant to buying clothes in general (thrift store bargains are where it’s at in my book). He reminds me that I am not going to be the stick figure I used to be (though I never saw myself as slim) because I am a power-lifter now and power-lifters have butts and thighs that can lift their own body weight and more.

I held up the tiny size 9 junior shorts and sighed knowing they would no longer fit this power-lifting butt. They didn’t. I told him in my typical whiny voice, “they don’t fit.” And he said, “well, we all go through stages when we’re lighter and not so much. I have clothes in varying sizes for this very reason. You can keep these and we’ll get a bigger size too. You say you believe in ‘Health At Every Size’? It’s time for Clothes At Every Size.”

He is the embodiment of zen and I learn so much from him.

I had a dream a few days ago that I went to the doctor and he found an ear infection. From inside my ear he pulled wing after wing of butterflies.

I like to think that I am becoming a butterfly. I used to think that my transformation from fat to thin was what defined my beauty and now I see that it’s this moment that my beauty arises from my ability to embody and emanate self-love.

So, I will shelve the little booty shorts and embrace my bootyliciousness. I hope you embrace whatever state your booty (etc) is in, too.

<3,

The Cranky One

Hey guys!

While I have recently spent embarrassing amounts of time watching my new favorite TV show, Parenthood, on Netflix,

and blasting Lindsey Stirling’s tunes (her music is great to work to)

I have also been hard at work on professional stuff and personal stuff. How very vague of me, eh?

I’m currently unable to work out due to tendinitis (AGAIN!) in my knee and what seems to be a pulled back from power-lifting. It sucks, but, at the same time, I have no qualms with taking a rest period to heal up. The summer weather has already arrived here in California (we’re so spoiled) and all I can think about are bike rides, rollerblading, running on the beach sand and walking the pooches. I’ll gladly(somewhat) pay my price now so I can enjoy admission later. I do have to wonder though – am I doing something wrong? Injury has been a consistent challenge for me.

Or, are some us just more prone to injury? I have friends who work out like beasts and very rarely sustain an injury. Me, on the other hand – it began when I was training for my first marathon (was that 3 years ago?), when I got tendinitis in my knee right after my 19-mile training run and was unable to actually run the marathon (though I did travel to Salt Lake City to watch my friend, who I had been training with virtually, run it). Ever since then, I’ve had to be careful not to run too often because tendinitis always looms (I think it’s one of those things that once you get it, it’s easier to get again?). Then there was the time I fractured my elbow while rollerblading. And the time I had some strange metatarsal pain that prohibited me from running. And now…blegh. Clearly, some of it is due to me being a dumbass. Or maybe all of it is LOL.

At lunch with my twin yesterday, we both griped about our injuries: he has had a messed up knee ever since he tore his ACL years ago and hasn’t been able to run since. Currently, he also has shoulder and back pain.

Maybe we’re just getting old?

At one point, we were at my mom’s house and my twin and I were laying on the floor demonstrating regenerative back exercises we had learned. My brother’s girlfriend just smiled and shook her head. Some things never change Twins have a special bond. If you have trusted resources to point me in regarding back pain, please share. Should one do yoga through back pain?

Speaking of special bonds, my boyfriend and I have decided to shoot a documentary centered on many of the issues I talk about here on this blog. It’s going to be more of an exploratory project than one with an intended message. I want to ask questions about obesity, “fat,” health, class and beauty and how they all intersect, especially in the “age of obesity.”

I, of course, intend to interview some of my intellectual heroes and weave in my personal story/struggles with “fatness” and explore how/why so much of my identity hinges on my identity as fat/other. The decision to film a documentary arose from the prompting of a co-worker and now good friend. She’s one of those people you meet and feel like you’ve known her/him forever. Anyhow, she and I have freaky-similar views on life and life experiences and she is the one who put forth the idea. My boyfriend was incredibly receptive to the idea since he was a film major and is a total film buff/geek. He – like me – finds more pleasure in asking questions than in answering them.

We’re kinda winging this. We’ve bought a camera, after conferring with friends and experts about which one would suit our needs and budget, and we’re currently drafting our plan (e.g. who we want to interview, what questions we want to ask, what investigative segments we’d like to include, etc.). I have a full-time job, so it’s not like this can consume my life, but I see this as a creative project that will feed my need to explore the issues that I’ve been confronting forever, but most aggressively in the past decade.

Some other news, I’ll be in the April issue of Health Magazine and am speaking at two conferences this year, so far – one on building a media kit and the other on PR basics. You can see my professional site here, which has more info. I had to create this site because, frankly, while I think this blog is so authentically me, I also think it can be off-putting to people who are trying to get to know me professionally rather than personally. Maybe it’s the swearing

<3,

The Cranky One