If My Life Was a Melodrama
Hold the press! Last night I had a revelation. It was one of those moments where if it had been depicted in a movie it would be pouring rain and I’d be running towards someone or something just to break down, fall to the ground, throw my hands up and choke out between sobs, “It’s all so clear. Finally, it’s all so clear!” Thankfully, my life is not so melodramatic and I was simply sitting on my bed, in my pajamas, reflecting on the dinner conversation I had just had with a friend who is like a sister to me.
This whole “grab a hold of yourself and do what’s good for you” thing is finally culminating into that wonderful little thing called, “second nature.” I’ve begun to relish any of the difficulties in this journey and thrive in my choice to live healthily even when it seems like the harder, less convenient thing to do.
What does second nature mean anyway? I could get philosophical about it; but I’ve done that on this forum before and felt guilty to abuse any audience I had ☺
People have told me – people who haven’t had food “issues” – that food is just fuel. That there should be no emotional attachment to food. Perhaps “should” is the operative word. Perhaps when we were cave men and women and food was scarce, it was just fuel. The mere scarcity of it all, kept any attachment aside from pure necessity at bay. Today, though, we all have an emotional attachment to food, just not all of us have gotten fat from it. It’s as simple as that. Tell me that the scent of certain foods doesn’t bring memories flooding back to you. Tell me food isn’t part of the center of our social gatherings. Tell me you’ve never eaten past the “I’m full” point or snacked mindlessly. It’s just something we all deal with differently and face different consequences from. So I guess “second nature” to me means that whereas it was simply in my nature (whether out of ignorance, coping mechanism, or whatever) to overeat, to make unwise food choices and to live a sedentary life, it is now my nature to live a more informed and more active lifestyle where I hold my health on a pedestal.
I don’t want to vilify my past. I don’t want to make it sound like it’s an all or nothing, be slim or hate life juxtaposition or to imply that at my heaviest I was unhappy or that now at my slimmest I am miraculously healed of any “issues.” I tend to conflate “slim” and “health” on these entries and I want to clarify that my happiness is not contingent on me being or thinking I am slim. My happiness is no longer based on contingencies at all. Living life on a contingency of “I’ll be happy when…” is lame and a waste of every precious moment I have.
Lets make it our nature to put our happiness on a pedestal — our health, our ability to make choices, to inform ourselves, to live an enlightened existence, on a pedestal. You won’t find me saying “I’ll be happy when…”
I’m happy.
