The Elephant in the Closet Voices Her Opinion
This was not my scheduled post for today.
I feel there is an elephant in the closet that I want to gently lure out and it’s really just a question…but I’ve been wondering and grappling with it and dancing around it and obsessing over it…and, ok, this is it:
Do any of us write a health living blog and really mean “thin living”? The question has been haunting me. Ok, maybe I am just being waaay too philosophical. It happens. I’m an English major, I’m trained to (over)analyze (imagine being my boyfriend! poor chap!). But, while it’s usually easy for me to laugh off any criticism (as long as it’s not constructive criticism, in which case I don’t laugh, I listen), there are occasions where the “woe is me” tidal wave hits…
I have faced many opinions during my health journey. While people were mostly positive to the lifestyle changes I made, occasionally I was accused of a) getting weight loss surgery (which was insulting because if I was to have gotten surgery, I wouldn’t choose the surgery with results that take years and years to show, c’mon. Also, that trivializes every single time my self-control won over years of bad habits), b) being anorexic (*says between copious bites of food* “me?! anorexic?! *burp*), c) changing into a different person (meant as an insult) as I lost weight (umm yea *breaks out graph* there is an inverse relationship between your weight and personality whereas as one goes down, the other goes up, but not “up” in a positive way, but up in an “ego” way)…
Sometimes I had wondered if I should just stuff my face with a piece of cheesecake to please some of the naysayers…then I realized….I will never please everyone and I should only care about pleasing me. It seems like a simple lesson, but it’s still something I address every day.
Screw all the naysayers! I know I sound like a rebellious teenager with anarchy patches sewn on her cool bomber jacket while she sports Che Guevara bumper stickers, but if being like a rebel teen gets me to set aside all the naysayers, that’s good enough for me.
People will try to bring you down when they perceive you to be chubby, thin, in-between, robust, curvy, pear-shaped, human, whatever. Our self-perception and perceptions of others are so flawed and arbitrary anyway. But let me be clear — there is nothing fundamentally “wrong” with being thin and there is nothing “wrong” with being whatever you are as long as it does not consume and define you. If we are cognizant adults, we have the right to make our own decisions about health. I will admit — I do think it’s hard for some of us to realize “health” and looking like a stick-figure model on a magazine are two different things. I really do value health more than anything, but do sometimes get caught up with vanity and wanting to be “skinny.” Then I slap myself and get over it. That being said, I will not apologize for wanting to lose weight. I don’t want to be emaciated. I want to be at the peak of my health – and I am not there. Yet.
So, it’s going to sound so cheesy, but I want to share it with you anyway. If this helps one person feel a little better when she/he’s down, then I’m stoked.
When I get the “no body likes me, everybody hates me, why don’t I eat some worms” blues, I’ve found that keeping a list of things about myself that I am proud of really helps bring me back, face to face, with who I am. It reminds me how much I have accomplished. It reminds me how one day of feeling “not good enough” is a complete waste of my time. It’s called a reality check and sometimes you need to slap yourself around in the best way. You know what I’ve found? The list of things I’m proud of all have nothing to do with the way I look! I am proud of my academic accomplishments, I am proud of getting over stage fright, I am proud of my voice, I am proud of having found and kept some of the most amazing friends on the planet.
What goes on your list?
And my last bit of this rant, in sum, is: you should NEVER apologize for pursuing your health – whether it be your physical, mental, intellectual, emotional, whatever sort of health. Go get it!
8 People have left comments on this post
It’s always frustrating to see how many folks feel threatened when other people around them lose weight or make other changes for their health. Guess it raises some uncomfortable unconscious issues–If she can, why can’t I?
I think that list of things you’re proud of is an excellent idea, and it’s interesting that none of them have anything to do with the way you look!
amen girl! i have found that throughout my weight journey people have always found something negative to say – so screw ‘em! as long as you are content with yourself and the person you are then that is completely all that matters
Isn’t it funny how we all work so hard to get somewhere, somewhere better then where we are? And when we get there, one of two things happen:
1) Others are jealous (sometimes unconsiously) and rain on our parade
2) We feel guilty and dimish our own accomplishments.
I’ve been working on this lately, stopping to pat myself on the back – because it’s okay to do that, even if it feels weird!
Sorry — I know I comment on your blog way too much but…
… as somebody with a background in genetics, I strongly believe we are the way we are because of our genes. In a sense, we worry about stuff we can’t control (body type) because society has somehow chosen one body type and expected the rest of us to fit into the round hole, even when there are many square, triangle, etc. pegs. This goes for weight, body type (shape, musculature), etc.
Remember the movie GATTICA, where a person’s station in life was dictated by their genes? In a sense, the weight and body shape issue is something akin to that — genes dictate to a large degree what shape we are, and what shape we are dictates how we are perceived in society.
It is funny to me that for the history of the earth up until the 20th century, nobody would have been concerned about being overweight, or round, or curvy. Most people just worried about having enough to eat through the winter. Take, for example, the art of the masters. Do you ever see stick thin nudes? Of course not, because then to be curvy and round was a symbol of heath (i.e., having enough to eat). Likewise, look at portraits of powerful women of the past pre 1900s — they were not super models. Most were what we would label chubby today.
I raise this only to point out that from an evolutionary perspective our bodies are not used to having such an abundance of calories because it has only been that way for the last dozen decades over the history of the whole earth. Most of us are still programed to store extra energy when it is available for those times when it is scarce. And in a sense, losing weight past what you are programmed to lose is a real feat — for me it is like building lots of muscle mass — it will not happen in my life, no matter how much I lift because I am not programmed for it. (Interesting article I just saw, but can’t remember where (ESPN maybe, because it was about steroids) proposed that a person’s body can only build so much muscle before feedback mechanisms stop adding to the muscle bulk — steroids overcome the natural limits, but foul up the endocrinal machinery that regulate such things).
Ok, my two cents (ten dollars?!?).
I love the idea of making a list of things to be proud of yourself for! Healthy self esteem actually takes a lot of work, it certainly doesn’t just happen. Sometimes it’s a tough job! Great message, thanks for this post!
What a great post & goes along with my self worth one today. You really can write!
People, especially friends that knew you “as fat” can tend to be jealous & bring you down instead of embracing all your hard work & congratulating you. The green monster rears its ugly head!
I love that you list your accomplishments & what you are proud of.. very good! I need to do that.. try that. For me, I feel good in the gym because that is where I am doing what I do best. Outside has not always been success for me so that is harder.
Check out my post tomorrow with a follow up to today’s post. BUT, you have actually already taken the test so I think you are ahead of the game.
Keep feeling good about yourself. You certainly deserve it!
Bellie, this was amazing and very inspiring. Please print it out and read it next time you’re feeling bleh!
I love your list and I’m so proud of all you have accomplished!
I have to ditto Jen’s comments. Couldn’t have said it better myself! Great post A!