The Runner’s Cult

It was an abnormally gloomy and chilly day for being summer in Southern California, but the weather has been schizophrenic lately, so I guess it’s not that surprising.  I was alone running on the beach. The wind blew through my curly fro mane, the waves beckoned to me as they coyly hissed and sizzled, and I wondered if the sea gulls were suicidal, or just adventurous, as they played hopscotch around my feet.  I felt sheer bliss amongst such a serene backdrop.  My breathing quickened as I began to sprint and I giggled to myself at all the “i love so and so”s on the sand and the tide perfunctorily swept them away as if to carry the message forward into the vastness of the sea.  Then it hit me.  These poetic, sappy and vomit-inducing sentiments are the result of something and not a natural occurrence.  I had discovered the #1 way to know if you’re a runner.  Are you ready for it?

#1–  You get high. There is no way to replicate that level of happiness, that high, that clarity and positive energy, that comes from running.  You have to run to get it and that alone gets you to tie up those shoe laces and hit the pavement (or sand, treadmill, etc.) even when you’d much rather sit on the couch and eat peanut butter straight from the jar (it happens…).  If you suffer from writer’s block, lack romantic sentiment, or simply cannot formulate a meaningful sentence, I suggest getting your run on.  The poetry will start oozing from your body and before you know it you’ll make Pablo Neruda sound like an amateur.

Here are some other ways you can tell you’re a runner or guess that someone else would be:

2.  You get the runner’s nod. This is the nod you get as you’re running and another runner passes you by.  It’s like he or she has acknowledged that this isn’t just a sporadic jog for you, no.  This is your trial, your passion, your gift and burden all rolled into one.  The other runner acknowledges that you both are in a rare group of people who willingly lace up their shoes and choose to do what others only do in a game of tag, when being chased, or in a fight-or-flight situation.  As you advance into the runner’s world, you eventually impart the nods yourself and reinforce the circle of runners’ exclusivity.

3.  You’re a masochist. (whoops, did I write that?  Well, it seems fitting! Sue me!) No explanation necessary.

4. You deserve an honorary degree in leg mechanics. You use (or own) knee pads, braces or support, know what tendinitis is (or suffer/have suffered from it), know what a shin splint it and know way too much about the mechanics of your leg.  Let’s face it, if you run often enough, some sort of injury or aggravation is inevitable.  I know much more about tendinitis than I ever wanted to because of my marathon training and I’m sure if you’re a runner, you’ve at least heard of some of these ailments.

5.  You’re more ‘you’ with your running shoes on. When packing you’ve had to choose between bringing another pair of heels on your trip for a fancy night out, or your running shoes.  You chose your running shoes and realized you feel more beautiful and on top of the world when those bulky things are on your feet than when a pair of torture-inducing heels are on your feet.

What would you add to the list?  Got any other “you know you’re a __” list suggestions? While you’re at it, I would suggest checking out Soap & Chocolate’s “You Know You’re a Health Blogger When…” list.  It’s hilarious and so are everyone’s additions in the comments.

Oh!  Happy Father’s Day to all you daddies and soon to be daddies, suga’ daddies and whatever else (I don’t discriminate on these celebratory days!).

<3 The Cranky One

Tags: marathon, running, running injuries