Dethroning the Phantoms
Mornin’ my little rays of sunshine!
I would like to start this post off by imparting a huge grin… 
<—- there you go! Why am I smiling? Because yesterday I said, “Let them eat cake!” (and had a nice, big slice myself). No really. I had a big piece of cake, did not exercise, and slept a nice 8 hours. All three of those things are rare for me. And while I usually do not enjoy missing exercise because I actually like exercising, yesterday my body said, “Bella — I’m freakin’ run-down!” and I said, “Of course you are, poor thing!” and I treated myself like a Greek Goddess (though I wish I had had some muscled-out dude feeding me grapes…that would have been nice…).
Alright, on with this parade. There were two discussions going on in the blog world that I was very interested by and I want your guys’ thoughts!
Phantom Fat
My friend over at Destination: Athlete posted a link to an article on MSNBC called, “Phantom Fat Can Linger After Weight Loss.”
Image from MSNBC.com
Basically the article addresses people who have lost a significant amount of weight and still feel like those pounds are lingering around — the “phantom” pounds, the article calls them. From the article: “Body-image experts say it’s not uncommon for people, especially women, who have lost a lot of weight to be disappointed to some extent to discover that they still aren’t ‘perfect.’” Hmm. I don’t know about you — but that statement and the whole premise of the article kind of bother me. I get it — we can lose weight, be considered a healthy weight, and still look in the mirror and see our old selves. Yea, it’s happened to me and has been a recurring issue. But this really doesn’t happen because after losing weight I was shocked to find out I still had imperfections. You mean I’m still human?! Golly gee! People who have never suffered from weight issues may also suffer from phantom visions — crooked noses, big ears, whatever a person deems as “negative.” You name it, and a lot us see distorted images of ourselves. Some chicks who have never even been overweight, look in the mirror and see themselves as morbidly obese. What gives? Why are we even associating physical characteristics with values of positive, negative, good and bad?
But… just because we see an image of ourselves that isn’t necessarily there, doesn’t mean it really wasn’t there and also doesn’t mean it’s a negative or bad thing. The article says we should shed the negative image of ourselves that we keep reinforcing. But, uh, if I look in the mirror and see myself at 280 pounds — that doesn’t mean I’m seeing a “negative” image of myself that was a phantom to begin with. I really was 280 pounds! I understand the article’s message that we should embrace our uniqueness and embrace our bodies for being the miracles that they are. But the article is missing the big picture. Just look at the irony…scattered amongst the article are paid for ads on LOSING WEIGHT. Le sigh. Frankly, there is so much to this whole phantom thing it boggles my mind and I’m getting flustered trying to gather my thoughts. So, please, give me your thoughts.
The Phantom Feminine Ideal
Diana over at Soap and Chocolate wrote a post yesterday, here, on the positive self-image movement, the feminine ideal that plagues so many with negative self-image, as well as raising children to be healthy eaters (I’m taking liberties with this summary so please check out her blog). I got rather opinionated in the comments section and would love your input, but I will leave you with some questions in case you do not care to click outside the realm of FMIC (Feed Me I’m Cranky).
- Is there a “feminine ideal” that a lot of us are trying to live up to? Has it always been this way? Is it the same everywhere? Can you think of anyone who lives up to the “feminine ideal” as you define it?
- Do you feel there is a lot of “double talk” when it comes to body image? Do you think people are quick to say that girls/women/whomever should strive to be their own brand of healthy, but then perpetuate the image of super skinny women as healthy and beautiful?
- My perennial question: Do you think any of us conflate the terms “healthy” and “skinny”?
Dethroning the Phantoms
If we recognize that we are living up to phantom ideals or seeing phantoms in the mirror — what should we do? Well aside from getting a stake and some garlic cloves (wait, that’s for vampires, huh? And we do *not* want to get rid of any Cullens lurking around *drools*) breaking out the holy water, calling the Ghost Busters or being exorcised, I think we need to recognize, reflect and move on. Easier said then done, hello?! Yes, I know. But do I look like someone who gets discouraged with something tough? Nope, always up for a challenge. So, phantoms, bring it on. I’m not trying to live up to any ideal picture of beauty, ya know why? Because my picture of beauty is a self-portrait I paint with my life. No one will ever look like me, be exactly like me, or have lived the exact struggles I’ve lived, or persevered the exact way I have.
The most important thing I have learned is that more important than my body is my mind. The more I stimulate, exercise, expand and riddle my mind, the more apt I am to recognize behaviors that are unhealthy to my body image. The more apt I am to recognize and be skeptical of portrayals of health and beauty and so called “ideals.” How we view our bodies really has so little to do with our actual bodies.
Ok, I’m spent! Please share your thoughts — I truly value them!
9 People have left comments on this post
Oh, where to begin. One of the biggest problems is the idea that skinny = healthy. Please. Come to my gym. See the little 18 year old Barbies popping on and then off the elliptical five minutes later from exhaustion. It’s a societal problem. We walk around with glasses on that force us to see image as the measurement of beauty over and over again. Women are beautiful – we are the givers of life. Our bodies are meant to carry a little fat here and there. So what. What’s important is changing not the way we see ourselves (this is cart before the horse), but changing the way we feel about ourselves and our bodies. We wouldn’t just throw any random thing in our gas tanks or expect our computers to run forever without ever charging the battery, and yet society has allowed us (maybe even encouraged us) to view our bodies from the outside in. Our toenails, hair, clothes, shoes are the topics we are told to discuss amongst ourselves (just pick up an issue of Vogue); rather than the real and enduring issue of health as an end goal, not weight loss. It’s sad. It really is, and its unfair. In so many other respects, we are a society proud of our differences and yet when it comes to weight and body image we attempt to fit ourselves into one, measured, carefully calculated and prescribed box that truly can only fit a small portion of individuals, who most likely have the genetics to be thin as it is. That said, I believe we are the generation of change. And the way we do that is by being ourselves, fit and fabulous because we’re healthy and because we know that healthy is simply the path. There is not destination.
ahh AMEN annabel! seriously – you perfectly articulated each word i wish i could express to woman and just AMERICA IN GENERAL!! sure – we can’t change the world.. we can’t force people to embrace and accept everyone – what we CAN DO is learning to embrace and accept OURSELVES.. and thats all we need to do! self-loev and self-acceptance is the most important thing .. life is FAR TOO SHORT to spend forcing ourselves to go to the gym, depriving ourselves of the occasional treat, becoming so consumed with what others think of us.. it’s just not worth it.
Thank you thank you thank you for your strong and inspirational words. honestly, you are such a positive voice in the blogging community and i wishhhhh every woman could read this post. You are an inspiration
much love to you gorgeous!
xo, Jenny
I definitely agree that too many people have healthy being a synonym for skinny, and vice versa. I will admit that the picture of me being healthy IS me being skinny. While I don’t think it’s necessarily a feminine trait, I do think it’s something that starts very, very early in life and that we’re taught it. (How else can you explain America’s belief that size 0-2 is normal, and South America’s belief that big hips/belly/chest is normal??)
That being said…I do believe that just as amputees have “phantom” limb pain – which is a very real condition, I’ve seen it day after day – I think those of us who have lost weight still have “phantom” visions of ourselves. Yes, we used to be 200, 300, even 400lbs. But we’re not anymore – we’re a new version of ourself and to get used to it takes time, just as getting used to an amputeed body part takes time. I still see myself te way I used to be, even though my clothes and my endurance to activity says otherwise. So to me…phantom fat, as the article called it, is very real. And very hard to get used to.
Le sigh, indeed. This is a wonderful post- I think it really brings it home to us that weight isn’t the be-all end-all, and that there’s a whole lot more to life than worrying about how we look.
That being said… I totally get this all the time.
oy vey, this article took a lot of energy out of me! I found myself knodding my head and agreeing with the overall idea, that jsut because you lose weight doesn’t change who you are on the inside, nor does it change how you see yourself. I will now admit something. When I started on my journey, the exact thought I had was “Once I lose the weight, then everything will be great!” It was like I seriously seriously thought the angels would sing and all would be well in the world.
Now I’m here and wondering what happened! So true, the grass is always greener on the other side. But…lesson learned for me and so much more as to why I blog about the emotional journey of losing weight, because its not just about the numbers on the scale. Yes, it appears that is what our motivating factor is but we should not let that be the deciding factor. Let us (me included) learn to apprecaite the journey as we find out our definition of healthy, as we learn about who we are, as we learn about our place in the world.
GREAT THOUGHTS ANNABEL…I Sent this link to everyone I know!
hhmm…just wondering out loud here, would it kill blog land to creat a spell check for our comments, so that way I don’t hit submit and publish my thoughts using the word “knodding” or “Jsut” HA! Too funny!
LOVE this post. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
IMO (just based on what I’ve been through in my life): I think the concept of “feminine ideal” is totally fluid, and it is based upon whose ‘ideal’ we are trying to meet. Example: If you work in a certain industry where tall/tan/thin is the ideal (maybe Pharm sales, some corporations, etc), then that will probably mentally be your ‘ideal’ to live up to or achieve. If you work in a gym, being more muscular and toned may be the ideal, as opposed to having stick-thin figure.
My point is this: Who you/(I) want to gain acceptance from will influence what you/ (I) see as ‘ideal’. We want to be accepted and appreciated by those whose opinions we value. Therefore, their ideal becomes our ideal.
I feel there is a tremendous amount of double-talk with body-image. We tell people to be comfortable in their own bodies, and then blast pictures of “fat” celebrities on websites/magazines/commercials. So many of the “mainstream” stores (Macy’s, Dillards, GAP, etc) carry clothes for boyish figures, and it’s a challenge to find clothes that accommodate curves in a flattering way.
I certainly have been guilty/am guilty of thinking that “skinny” is synonymous with “healthy”.
In retrospect, I was skinny in high school but I was not healthy. I worked out a lot, but I ate junk 24/7. Donut for breakfast each morning, burgers/fries/milkshakes, fried chicken, regular sodas. I ate very few homemade meals, and tons of processed or fast foods. I honestly believe now, (being 20 pounds heavier than I was in high school) I am healthier now than I was then.
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