In Defense of Omnivores
Are my boyfriend and I doomed to a tragic love-affair?
Are we two star-crossed lovers, fated to have our disapproving families battle it out in the streets until our inevitable demise?
No freakin’ way — this isn’t the 1500s and our families aren’t into dueling. But it does seem like there are people in our respective lifestyle camps who would break out a glove, slap one of us on the face, and challenge us to a duel.
The blogger behind Vegan Salt, Krys, inspired my random Shakespeare allusions when she asked, “Can a vegan and an omnivore live happily ever after? Should they even bother dating or will their differences be too great to overcome?”
To me, the questions were silly (and inapplicable: it’s not a question of can — we ARE living happily ever after); and I couldn’t help giggling as I read them. I glanced lovingly at the desktop photo of my carnivore boyfriend as if to share the joke with him. Krys then went over some of the benefits of dating someone who is also a vegan, and I nodded in agreement at some of them (e.g. ease of eating out together).
I then laughed again when she brought up the term “vegansexual,” someone who only dates vegans, and I continued cackling as I thought about how unsustainable that practice would be — since vegans make up 1% of the population, they’d either have to incestuously interbreed with each other or die off. Or perhaps start a vegan breeding colony. Hmm…sounds like a weird off-shoot of eugenics…but I digress…
I eventually stopped laughing when the blogger wrote: “Once you reach the point of understanding that raising and killing select species is utterly barbaric and cruel, it becomes difficult not to be a bit judgmental of those who delight in tearing into dead animal flesh. Or, at the very least, to be a bit wary of their callousness.”
I give pause to this quote because it assumes that raising and killing select species, or deeming some animals edible and others inedible — also known as “carnism” — is a) barbaric and cruel. Is it, really? If I may be so presumptuous to say, I think we’d be better off arguing that it is certainly cruel to unnecessarily inflict pain on animals in our factory/farming practices. I disagree, however, that it is inherently cruel and barbaric to eat some animals and not others.
Animals practice carnism in the natural world. You won’t find a sheep eating a rhino, or a dog eating a platypus — is that carnism cruel and barbaric? I think it can become barbaric when humans are involved and educated that their farming/slaughtering practices inflict pain on animals, are then given access to healthy alternatives, and still choose to inhumanely slaughter animals. I’ll concede that much.
Also, (b) I don’t know about you, but I don’t know many omnivores who “delight in tearing into dead animal flesh.” Sure, I know plenty of people who love to eat meat and savor the flavor with delight; but these are typically people who have dissociated the meat on their plate from its previous animal being. This is a common practice — one of both true and feigned ignorance (in other words, we dissociate by choice and also by proxy — our meat producers do a damn good job at helping us forget where our meat comes from and of selling us idyllic imagery of happy cows participating in American-Idol-like contests).
Just like many people would say they don’t choose to believe in God, that they just do, our beliefs are more complex than we often give them credit. Many of us go our entire lives without ever questioning a certain belief (and it’s hard, even upon reflection now, to pinpoint the liminality where certain beliefs are conscious beliefs instead of these intrinsic parts of us.
While Krys did an excellent job at remaining more inquisitive than inquisition-like, one of her reader’s comments reeeeeally got me “thinking” (read: kinda pissed) when she wrote, “a vegan dating a non vegan is atrocious. It basically means – you don’t care about animals. You are willing to support a killer.”
Aside from being a prime example of hyperbole, this reader’s comment is also a prime example of that unyielding zealousness that turns me off from a lot of pro-vegan forums. It’s like saying if someone dates another outside of his or her religion, she or he then doesn’t care about his/her God and supports a heretic. Granted, there may be loads of people who do believe that. And, boy, we do get far in this world with that sort of zealotry, don’t we? This is also why when people argue ceaselessly over semantics and whether part-time veganism/or vegetarianism is “damaging to the cause,” I shake my head, shrug and look at the big picture.
Look — I do understand the premise behind carnism and the idea that killing and eating some animals over others is unethical (is it more ethical to kill them all? I’m joking, I’m joking…); and while I’ll share that I myself do not eat meat, dairy or cheese, I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t think it’s necessary, or the most ethical thing, that the entire world follow my example or be doomed to some inexorable hell for non-vegans. I went 25 years of my life eating animal flesh and my entire family still does. I guess I just haven’t gotten to that pristine compassionate vegan moment when I’ll condemn them to non-vegan prison or exile them to some non-vegan slave camp. And I’m certainly not getting to that moment when my boyfriend’s omnivore lifestyle will be a deal-breaker.
I don’t mean to sound like an apologist for omnivores of the world, but I’m okay with it if I do.
I read Melanie Joy’s book on carnism, “Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows: An Introduction to Carnism
Because eating meat is not simply a cultural and religious practice, but also a practice largely stemming from the geography of the land and the use and allocation of its resources, this could very well become an issue of resource-allocation and access, education and the corporatization of food (and perhaps factor into the Westernization of the world?). The U.N. more recently advocated lessening the consumption of animal products worldwide (esp. meat & dairy) for environmental reasons, but conceded that it’s affluent nations doing most of the consumption (see here).
A lot of Joy’s argument has to do with meat-eating as a social norm pushed by a media and government that legitimizes the act by maintaining its distance to it (103). Sure, in the U.S., we have dairy and meat reps lobbying congress and affecting the cute little triangle of health we pass out to our children in kindergarten. We have animal flesh ground up and packaged so as not to remind us that it’s Annabelle, the cow, we’re eating. I get it. I personally don’t like. But I’m not willing to condemn people for it. Not just yet anyway.
One of the reasons I’m such an avid supporter of Michael Pollan is that he recognizes the various intersections of food, culture and politics and the sort of inextricability of the three. Pollan is considered by many, to be a mover and shaker in the realm of animal ethics. But he’s NOT vegetarian. Say what? Yep. Pollan advocates ethical raising and slaughtering of the animals we breed to eat. I guess part of the issue is whether or not you would ever deem it ethical to eat animals. But to me, that’s sort of a privileged question. It assumes that people everywhere across the world have other options. And if they do, then may we cast judgment on them? It also assumes it is the most ethical thing, environmentally, to veganize the world (while the U.N. seems to be heading in this direction, other reputable sources I’ve read say it’s still questionable whether veganism could even be sustainable, or environmentally ethical, worldwide).
So, to get back to where I started (perhaps this whole brevity thing still eludes me), I don’t plan on taking Juliet’s way out of this tug-o-war. I favor the holistic compassion of my inimitable meat-eating boyfriend over the close-minded “compassion” of any other without doubt.
I’d love your thoughts, ideas, gripes – what have you – on this issue.
<3,
The Cranky One
Tags: carnism, melanie joy, michael pollan, veganism
20 People have left comments on this post
Ugh, I agree with you… those kinds of cruel comments about how people tear into flesh and are murderers etc etc REALLY turn me off a lot of vegan sites. THAT is why the majority of the population tends to think that vegans are a little crazy!
And was giggling at the earlier comments… “vegan breeding community”, lol!
I still consider myself a “mostly-vegan”, and the boyfriend is an omnivore but he is ALWAYS willing to try ANYTHING that I make. He wants to learn about health and about how to cook vegetarian and vegan meals, but we also like to focus on how we can eat healthfully when meat is involved, too.
“The Compassionate Carnivore” is a fantastic book on this kind of subject.
I do think that vegans dating non-vegans is slightly hypocritical (especiallly if they’re willing to give their S.O. a pass while disapproving of others), but I’ve seen all sorts of crazy in the name of love so I can’t say it surprises me much.
I can see how a vegan dating another vegan would make things easier as far as food and beliefs, but I would like to ask:
How is a vegan dating a non-vegan any different then people of different religions dating one another?
Not being a vegan or having any particular religion, I’m not sure what kind of authority I have to ask this question…but it would seem to me that being vegan is more of a belief/moral thing then as a food perference.
Isn’t it all about acceptance and tolerance of others around us?
Hey, Vegan Salt blogger here. Thanks for expounding on my blog! I really am intrigued by this issue and love hearing about how it affects different couples.
When I went vegan, I was dating an ex-vegan, who showed me the ropes. A year into my veganism, I gave him an ultimatum. I simply couldn’t comprehend his reconciliation of what he knew about animal cruelty (which was far more than I myself had learned) and his regular choice to eat them anyway.
I was hoping to hear more about how you and your boyfriend handle this issue. Have you ever shared with him your reasons for being vegan, or is animal rights a taboo subject? I’m a highly opinionated person (and pretty assertive and outspoken about it), so maybe it’s just my personality, but I can’t imagine this NOT being a constant aggravation to me in a relationship. (And before anyone calls me “militant,” please do click over to my blog. Some of my favorite people eat animals. =P)
You talk a lot about people around the world who, for sake of food availability, CAN’T be vegan, but how does that have anything to do with why your boyfriend isn’t? On what grounds do you excuse his participation in the factory farm industry, or do you just try not to think about it?
@Krys — Hi! Thanks for such a thought-provoking comment, and for the blog post generating this response. You’re right — I didn’t expand much on the dynamic between my boyfriend and myself. The topic of animal rights certainly isn’t a taboo one, but it’s also not one consistently brought up. Honestly, my reasons for veganism are still a bit nebulous, and I’m fairly new to vegan eating (I would hesitate not to qualify it as vegan “eating” since I have yet to spend substantial time reflecting on how my day-to-day actions outside of the food and clothing realm could be not-animal-friendly).
My boyfriend and I have a very non-judgmental and open dialogue between us. As someone who grew up with an atheist father and catholic mother, both of varied ethnic & cultural backgrounds, I am only at peace with people who are accepting that there are various forces creating the background from which we choose and access our beliefs. I know that sounds kinda highfalutin, but it’s hard for me to put into words.
Perhaps the thing is — I’ve never been into labels and the “vegan” label is one that still makes me uncomfortable. I guess the other thing is — I don’t think that eating meat is intrinsically unethical. So, when my boyfriend tears into a Kobe burger, I don’t yearn to pour red paint over his head. However, I do feel strongly that if he chooses to eat meat, he should find the most ethically-raised and slaughtered option available (same goes for production of all animal-derived products). So, to be clear, I don’t “excuse” his “participation in the factory farm industry.”
Also, I feel strongly that we (the general “we” here) teach and influence others by finding peace and contentment in our own choices. Those who berate others who do not adhere to their own version of ethics often damage their cause. Since I’ve been eating vegan, my boyfriend has been more than amenable to eat vegan dishes, to cook vegan meals for me, and to eat at vegan restaurants with me. Obviously, we would have a contentious relationship if he wasn’t so open-minded and accommodating (and likewise, if I weren’t).
Annabel, thanks for indulging my curiosity. It sounds like the two of you have a good thing! I couldn’t agree more with the idea that we always teach more by a gentle approach than by berating others. As opposed as I am to animal exploitation, I was an oblivious animal exploiter for decades, and I try to remind myself that people take time to change, and yelling or insulting them rarely speeds things up.
I’d love to hear whether your views on the “live and let live” issue change over time. Mine certainly did. For a long time, when I told someone I was vegan, I did so with an apologetic foot-shuffle, eyes to the ground. I said things like “No, no, please, eat that chicken in front of me. It’s fine!” As I became more confident and informed, I also grew assertive, not only on my own behalf (no longer apologizing for requesting my food be specially made), but on behalf of the animals who have no voice in our society.
These are interesting times to be alive. Right now, vegans are a tiny (though often very vocal) minority, but awareness is spreading fast. Every movement toward fairness and equality was once seen as “extremist” or “militant.” But I’m optimistic that I’ll live to see veganism become mainstream.
Wow, I’m way off topic. In any case, I wish you and your boyfriend all the best. If the day comes that he decides to be vegan, I’ll bake some cupcakes in celebration! =)
I don’t know many vegans in my life, and assume each vegan, despite some stereotypes, are individuals and have different reasons for why they believe certain things they do and live the lifestyles they choose to live. As such, I offer these questions and comments out of genuine curiosity with no attempt to offend anyone.
What of those who raise and kill their own animal for food? Would a vegan consider that more or less humane than just buying meat in a store (I suppose they’d want to see the animal’s living quarters)? People who raise their own food sources, I feel, are aware of the full impact of what they are doing when they eat meat.
Also, and this question may stray a bit from the main points of this article (and it’s probably more pointed toward that other person’s comment that you responded to that “reeeally” got you thinking) but, what would a vegan do if he/she they were hiking in the woods and a bear attacked him/her? Can’t run, can’t hide; it’s live via killing the bear or die. Would a true vegan (like that commenter you mentioned that thinks dating omnivores is atrocious) choose just to die? And, if a vegan chose to kill the bear, what would they then, in turn, do with the dead bear? Would the vegan bury, eat or leave the bear to rot? An omnivore would probably think it’s wasteful to bury or leave it.
I believe carnism is culture-based.
People eat horse in France.
People eat dog in most other places of the world.
People eat dolphin that is marketed as whale.
People eat what they want to eat, mostly regardless of where it comes from and what/who its impacting.
Most of America is very ethnocentric with their ideals (and vegans are no different). I doubt, however, that they’ll be able to convince the world that our teeth are not designed to cut through meat.
I also feel that raising and harvesting food in the manner you want is a privilege in America. I, personally, would prefer to take a more Native American approach to my animal consumption, but I’ve not the capital or land to do so.
okay seriously your post are some of my favorite. I really enjoy reading them – they add a wee bit of comedy to a kind of serious blog world. Personally, I think it can work as long as there is respect on both ends. I don’t think food should play that big of a role in a relationship regardless of how barbaric ones meal may seem. Afterall, we love those around us for what they offer and how they act, not what they eat.
Interesting. Personally, I fall between the two views. I’m a vegetarian, and while I don’t really judge people who eat meat (like my husband and my parents), I don’t think I would ever actually defend it. My husband and I live together fine and we never have a problem when it comes to meals. Basically, I won’t cook meat so he’ll eat it out or cook it himself. No problem. But we do argue about our future children. Personally, I have strong ethical beliefs about eating meat, and I would want to raise them vegetarian. He doesn’t. He argues, “We shouldn’t make a choice for them so we should give them meat.” I argue, “Isn’t giving them meat already making a choice that they won’t be vegetarian.” I really don’t know how we will resolve this, but since there are no kids on the horizon, it’s all theoretical for now.
“a dog eating a platypus”
A hungry dog would certainly eat a platypus, but it is very unlikely that it could ever catch one.
I think part of it depends on WHY you’re a vegan. I’m a vegan for health reasons, not for animal rights reasons (although after watching food inc, I’m more convinced than ever that I don’t want to eat meat. Gross!) but the guy I’m dating still eats meat. Obviously, I’m ok with it, because it’s MY health that I’m trying to fix, and if he wants to incorporate meat into his diet, I’m not going to make him choose, me or meat.
That said, he’s open to trying my vegan concoctions, and we cook a lot of vegan meals together. I think vegans & non-vegans can live happily ever after
So… the thing is, that if you are a vegan (which I am) and your partner is an omnivore (which he is) , and you share expenses (which we don’t) , your money is still contributing to the supply and demand of animal cruelty and all the environmental reasons not to eat meat or animal products. Also, if you live together (which we don’t) you get the awesome privileged of having dead animal in your fridge and pantry and having it cooked in your house.
I’m thinking that could be really lame for some vegans, so I get why they wouldn’t want to bother with somebody whose fundamental and ethical belief system differs so much from their own.
Just saying…
@Sweetvegan: Totally — I see how for some, that whole split-money and split-fridge issue could cause anguish. And, since my boyf and I — like you — are not in a place where that’s the case yet, it’s not an issue. But, that’s not to say it won’t ever be an issue. The thing is — I’m just not hardcore vegan enough when it comes to animal ethics to find that it would be a fundamental issue. To be honest — I consider myself a “skeptical vegan” in that while I choose to live as consciously vegan as possible myself, I am still learning, questioning and debating the issues of animal rights, animal ethics, environmentalism, etc. I feel there’s a lot of hypocrisy in me admonishing others, or even myself, for eating meat (which I don’t) when I’ve gone on so many ant-killing rampages the past couple days. <–I’m not saying that to be facetious or mocking;it just truly seems like behavior that’s contentious with my no-meat-eating policy. I guess my point is — I feel like enlightening myself as much as possible first and truly exercising my choices to match my evolving beliefs is my chief concern. I have enough faith in my boyfriend’s intelligence to trust and respect his lifestyle decisions.
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