Weddings, Food & Compromise
Hey guys!
Whether you’ve had your own wedding, been to one, or even eschew the thought of marriage — you’ve got to at least have an opinion on how much one should compromise, if at all, when planning it.
There was an article in the Sunday New York Times centering around that very question of compromise and the tenuous boundaries of obstinacy and irresoluteness. The catalyst for the piece? Chelsea Clinton’s wedding — vegan & gluten-free bride + omnivore groom = oh shit what will we serve to our guests?
[photo cred]
‘Til Meat Do Us Part?
Reports say Chelsea offered a mostly vegetarian menu, but compromised by adding a grass-fed beef component. And that, my friends, made the usual zealous suspects come out from their caves, to assault the world with an onslaught of opinion. See the 220 comments (no more have since been allowed) on the NY Times piece here.
Since I’ve only been to a couple weddings and am no where near planning my own, I ask you guys — where do you think the boundaries lay in sticking to your beliefs and compromising with your significant other, family, wedding guests, etc.?
To me, this whole Chelsea thing is kinda a “no-duh” — She’s marrying someone who is not vegan; that obviously means she can reconcile her belief set to accommodate marrying someone who is not also vegan. Wouldn’t the wedding and the menu reflect this compromise? Perhaps the issue hits close to home — you all saw my “are we doomed?” post about my omnivore boyfriend and myself [here] — but I just don’t see why so many people were up in arms about the supposed disjuncture between Chelsea’s veganism and the plates of beef served to the meat-eaters at her wedding.
However, that being said — I feel like if any person wanted to serve only vegan food at his or her wedding, there really shouldn’t be any need for compromise. I say that from a completely practical standpoint — non-vegan guests are not carnivores, they’re omnivores, which means they eat both plants and meat. So, by simply excluding any animal-based meal components, it’s not like the omnivores would feel stranded in some foreign food territory. Omnivores eat vegan food all the time, they just aren’t necessarily cognizant of it. I guess that’s why I don’t get the whole “no meat? but what will I eat?!” question. While an “ethical vegan” who attends a wedding serving only non-vegan items would be faced with a moral dilemma should he or she feel ravenous enough to eat, an omnivore at a vegan wedding might feel a little out of his/her element food-wise, but he/she’s certainly not going to face a similar moral quandary. Hmm…I guess that means veganism is akin to a religious choice (like only eating Kosher, etc.); whereas feeling jipped at a vegan wedding as an omnivore would come down to preference?
Yet, to me, there is nothing intrinsically dogmatic about serving only vegan food. It would become dogmatic, of course, once the bride or groom attached a recycled-paper note reading “meat is murder” to their centerpieces. And, you know what? I guess I don’t fret much at dogma anyway. I’ve attended Catholic church weddings because I loved the groom and bride and wanted to celebrate them. Lo and behold, my skin didn’t sizzle off and I didn’t start melting like the wicked witch of the west.
Have any of you been to a wedding that served food out of your realm of comfort? How did you deal? Alternately, have you had a wedding and catered to guests’ food preferences even if they were outside your belief set? Is it really important to cater to your guests’ preferences?
News You Should Know 
- Michael Pollan’s appearance on the Oprah show will be re-running tomorrow. Check it out if you missed its original air date.
- The Wall Street Journal online recently posted an interview with Michael Pollan (<3!) where he discussed how pragmatic it is to buy local [here]
- Senate passed the Child Nutrition Act! Sweet. Tons more to be done to affect change in the school cafeteria, but this is definitely no small victory. [here]
<3,
The Cranky One
Tags: michael pollan, vegan weddings, weddings
2 People have left comments on this post
Hadn’t really thought about it – we made sure there was a vegetarian option (lasagna, definitely not vegan) and plenty of fruit and veggies to snack on.
Honestly, one thing I found out when planning my wedding is they SAY it’s all about you, it’s totally not. At least with my family. Unless it was a circle of veggies/vegans, and it was MY family/wedding/situation, I’d probably split the difference – half food I like and enjoy, half more traditional choices. Just my 2 cents.
I have a couple of vegetarian/vegan friends. I also have (mostly) kosher Jewish friends (ie, he’s kosher enough that meat/cheese together or bacon is right out, but not so kosher as to worry about if the plate ever had cheese on it before…). I have friends who are on eating plans. I have friends who are diabetic. I have friends with food allergies.
(me, my husband and our daughter are among those with severe food allergies.) I do not usually expect people to cater to my child’s food allergies (altho I will ASK about what’s on the menu, which stuff should I watch out for, etc) – if they’re going to be in my home, I let them know that certain foods will not be allowed in the door.
Of course, I also have family members who are alcoholic, who don’t handle their alcohol well, and at our wedding, I royally offended all of them by NOT having an open bar. (1 we couldn’t afford to let our families drink… and 2, i didn’t really want my drunk father-in-law getting into a row with his ex-wife)
I made sure there was a little bit of everything (except alcohol) for everyone’s food preferences and requirements. (of course, my mother thought I should serve crab cakes and salt-ham biscuits, since it was a “southern” wedding… why she thought that, I’ve no idea… yes, we were in the “south” but there was nothing “southern” about it… certainly not in the “south will rise again” manner. And I don’t LIKE salt-ham… and my husband-to-be is allergic to shellfish, so we rather calmly informed her we would not be paying for those items.)
But I’ve been to weddings where I haven’t been able to eat because of food choices made by the bride and groom. (I’m allergic to pineapple and while it wasn’t IN every dish, each dish was adorned by it. ) So what? I wouldn’t have thought to be offended by it. (Certainly not to the extent that I was offended at Xmas dinner one time when there was nothing my aunt served that my family could eat. Pineapple on the ham, nuts in the sweet potatoes, oysters in the stuffing) I’m there to wish the bride and groom merry, and honestly, if they notice I cut out of the reception early because I’m starving to death, they probably didn’t have enough to do.