An Exercise in Halloween Self-Esteem

“In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it”

Name that movie!

The past few years I’ve  always gone the “pretty” route for Halloween. You won’t find me dressing like a witch with a snaggle tooth, or like an Ewok. Let’s take a look, shall we?

A few years ago, I was a 50s chick and my lovely friend, Nia, was Foxy Brown

then I was Betty Paige
(this may or may not have been after a few drinks and being dared to dance like a stripper)
…then I was a 20s mob wife
(I was basically playing dress-up in my mom’s vintage collection. She has amassed an amazing amount of vintage clothes, shoes, purses & jewelry from years and years of thrift-store & estate sale finds)

…then I was a rag doll

…and then I had the dumbass inclination to say “yes, ok” when my boyfriend said he wanted to design my costume for me and not tell me what it was until the night I needed to wear it.

Call it an exercise in trust. Or in being ridonkulous.

You have to understand…my boyfriend is a film connoisseur. Films are his thing. He has a collection of life masks for god’s sake (talk about spooky when you wake up in the middle of the night to find Natalie Portman’s white life mask staring at you in the dark). But, I trusted him to choose a costume for me that I could actually wear in public.

I started to feel weird when he measured my entire body, including head and feet. And even weirder when he duct taped a shirt to my torso, then cut it off, so that he could have a mannequin-like real-life cut-out of me.

The night of our Halloween party, last weekend, my boyfriend blindfolded me as he put the costume on me. I could feel heavy clothing and accessories being put on me. I could feel contraptions being put on my shins and wrists. Then a heavy weight behind my back. Then a prop to hold in my hand. I envisioned that I was a ninja turtle.

Then, he removed the blindfold…
Source

I was the Greek mythological character, Perseus (on the left above)! And, no, I looked nothing like the picture here (can you imagine if I had to wear that costume?! lmao!), but what a fantastic depiction, right? I couldn’t not post it! It looks like a soft core porn rendition, so I can only imagine how this artist depicted Zeus and Lysistrata. I digress…

This is more like the costume I wore:

My boyfriend spent months gathering all of the pieces, including real pieces worn by the actors in the movie (awful movie) “Alexander.”

I know he spent so much time and effort into making it an amazing costume, so I wore it proudly even though I felt like I looked 40 pounds heaver (I was at least 20 pounds heavier with the armor on lol) and completely unfeminine. I even did something I haven’t done since I was in middle school…leave the house without make-up. Yep, being Perseus meant that I didn’t need face powder or mascara. Not even a smidgen of lip gloss.

It was a bit hard showing up to a party where the girls all went the pretty-scary or sexy-spooky route and being beside my Indiana-Jones-dressed boyfriend who couldn’t have possibly looked more attractive with a lasso by his side (don’t you think he should have crossed-dressed to be fair?). And then there I was. Chick in armor and helmet (did I forget to mention the HELMET?!), holding a 6-foot spear, wearing no make up, and hobbling from being weighed down with armor. (this is actually making me giggle as I type this!)

I guess this whole experience was actually an exercise in having enough self-confidence without make-up and without a costume to suck in my chub. I guess when it comes down to it, I at least have guts!

My boyfriend’s clever, isn’t he?

But not clever enough to get me to post a picture of myself here in that costume

I hope you guys had a blast celebrating this Halloween weekend! I’d love to know what your costume was (or will be) this year!

I am so excited to see Amanda Palmer & Neil Gaiman in concert on Halloween night! After my first “kiss” with Gaiman, I’ve been looking forward to #2. I think my boyfriend owes me this after the costume. Don’t you?

If you’re looking for some Halloween-inspired tracks to play while you party-it-up on Monday, here are some suggestions:

My 2010 Halloween play list & add:

• “The Man is Dead” by The Jezabels
• “Horsehead” by The Jezabels
• “New Way to Bleed” by Evanescence
• “Open Door” by Evanescence
• “Young Blood” by The Naked & Famous
• “Shallow Grave” (Combichrist ‘Good for Her’ Mix) by The Birthday Massacre

Any tracks you recommend for Halloween?

And, as someone who never truly learns her lesson, I agreed to let my boyfriend choose my costume for next year. That said, I’ve already begged him to spill the beans (girl needs time to mentally prepare for being dressed as a 400-lb gorilla, you know what I mean?). And, I gotta admit, this next costume will be better because it’s a couple-theme AND I get to be the chick. Phew, that would have been awkward.

<3,

The Cranky One